He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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