New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
