he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
