My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
