pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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