lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
