She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
