i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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