So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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