Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
