time to smoke my breakfast
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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