Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
its liver damage thursday
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
