Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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