She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
