I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
