Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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