It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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