you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
