Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
