He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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