Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
