This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
