If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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