It's like God shit irony all over that family
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
