Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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