The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
