end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My balls are so social today.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
