Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
