We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
