I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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