I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
