Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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