living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
