There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
