my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
