In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
