walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to calm my uterus...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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