hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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