he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I supernannyed him into submission
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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