My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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