i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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