I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
