he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
