hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
