I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
