1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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