So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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