I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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