Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just want nice things and good sex
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
