Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
