brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
