Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
