My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
