I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
