She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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