I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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