my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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