im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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