Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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