You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
