I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
