Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
