She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
