I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
